do you check your partner's phone?

Do you check your partner’s text messages? Do you stalk them on facebook? Do you read their e-mail? If the answer to any of these questions is a ‘yes’ you are not alone. Cyber-stalking and sms snooping is becoming increasingly common – technology could be creating a generation of bunny boilers.

In theory most of us will accept that this behaviour is wrong, fuelled by insecurities  and untrustworthy but in practice it seems to be the case that we do it regardless. And who can blame us when it is just so easy?  If someone sits down their blackberry for five minute we have instant access to not only their texts but their facebook, twitter and e-mail account. If they use our laptop it saves the password and history. And if we are on the same phone contact we can check every message and call ever made on the blueroom! It is like technology is encouraging us to take a trip to crazy town.

One in three people check their partner’s text messages according to a Virgin Mobile survey. The British Crime Survey claims that one million people are stalked in Britain every year.  So when do ‘just having a nosey’ and ‘only checking’ excuses turn in to simply crossing the line?

The problems with this type of behaviour are vast. Not only is it a complete violation of trust (and in some occasions the law) but it can lead to obsession, jealously and is ultimately the beginning of the end for the relationship.

Most people easily misinterpret information they come across which could be a friendly text or only part of a facebook chat; and others find things they later wish they hadn’t. There are camps of people who claim that if their partner isn’t doing anything wrong then he/she won’t have anything to hide. That is true – however as someone with nothing to hide I still wouldn’t want anyone snooping around my business.

Although many people do find out that their partner has been or is toying with the idea of being un faithful via sms snooping, this year we’ve seen the celeb splits of Cheryl and Ashley Cole, Eva Longoria and Tony Parker, and Vernon Kay and Tess Daly.

The issue is that if you feel something isn’t right and feel the need to ‘check up’ on your partner then there isn’t any trust in the relationship regardless. Go with your gut…

David Beckham - Metrosexual Man

By Narelle McGowan

From the bad boys to the macho men, the cheeky chappies, and sporty, smart or sexy studs – I can honestly say that I love them all. However there is one member of the opposite sex that I simply cannot fathom: the metro sexual man AKA the girly boy.

You know the ones I mean. Those man bag carrying, hair straightening, fake tanning, sunbed loving, make-up wearing, moisturising males who have more clothes and shoes than you do – the ones that you could never take home to your Dad.

There seems to be more and more of them popping up everywhere. On television we have Jersey Shore and The Only Way is Essex, on the High Street we are queuing longer waiting on the boys to buy their guy liner man make-up and in the bars they’re wearing more fake tan than we are!

Don’t misunderstand my rant – I love to see a guy taking care of himself, getting a haircut and a shave and nothing is sexier than a guy that smells great. But this transformation in to the modern metro sexual man just doesn’t do it for me.

Gavin Henson

Hollywood is seemingly the perfect breeding ground from Brad Pitt and Ryan Reynolds to Zac Efron and Ryan Seacreast, and the feminine fever has spread across the pond to David Beckham and Gavin Henson.

I know it is a little contradictory to name some of the world’s top totty, but as we are well aware just because the celebs pull it off doesn’t mean we all can. On the other hand, I’m not after a misogynistic, beer guzzling, football hooligan, just a gentleman that looks good, smells great and can get dressed faster than I can… is that really too much to ask?

Brad Pitt

Susan Boyle on Britain's Got Talent

Scottish Singing Sensation Susan Boyle has broken a world record with the most pre-ordered album in Amazon history.

The Britain’s Got Talent runner up’s first album I Dreamed a Dream is due to be released on Monday 23rd November and is predicted to top the album charts.

‘Su-bo’ will also be appearing on the X-Factor this Sunday to sing a track from her new album.

Julian Monagham, head of music buying at Amazon.co.uk told the Telegraph: “Just eight months ago, no one was aware of the talents of Susan Boyle. Now, she has generated more Amazon pre-order CD sales than any other artist.

“That is an incredible achievement and is testament to the fact that she has captured the hearts of people all over Britain, America and the rest of the world.”

Edinburgh Napier News caught up with one of Susan’s oldest friends, Suzanne Clifford, from her hometown Blackburn.

Suzanne says she remembers Susan’s singing: “I didn’t know that she could sing until she got up and sang in the pub one night and it was just absolutely amazing.”

Suzanne worked in the local pub where Susan would wow the punters singing songs from her favourite musicals every week on the karaoke.

Susan also toured with the pub band and entered competitions, so it was of no surprise to the people of Blackburn when Susan finally got her big break on Britain’s Got Talent.

Suzanne recalls the whole town getting behind Susan when she was on the talent show: “It was amazing because all the pubs and houses had banners and posters up everywhere saying ‘Go Susan’ and ‘Vote for Susan’.”

Watch the interview in full below:

Staff at eight Edinburgh First Quench off-licences face redundancy without pay, leaving them with the prospect of a long fight to claim their money.

Edinburgh Napier News has learned that some of the staff, many of whom have worked for the company for up to 20 years, will not get the redundancy payments they are entitled to.

One worker said that many staff are devastated by the news and feel it is unfair they are not getting a redundancy package.

Administrators KPMG were brought in to try to save the business, but now they are planning to close dozens of branches across the country.

A First Quench spokeswoman refused to confirm that staff will be left without pay.

First Quench, who own Wine Rack, Thresher, Haddows, Bottoms Up, The Local and Victoria Wine have 219 stores across Scotland, 53 of which face closure and of the 1,300 stores in the UK they are closing 373.

During the recession, increased competition from supermarkets as well as stock problems earlier this year added to First Quench’s problems.

The eight Edinburgh stores confirmed to be closing by a First Quench spokesperson are:

1. Haddows, Gorgie Road
2. Haddows, Ferry Road
3. Thresher, Ferry Road
4. Victoria Wine, Leith Walk
5. Victoria Wine, Haymarket Terrace
6. Victoria Wine, Easter Road
7. Victoria Wine, Newington Road
8. Victoria Wine, Davidson Mains

By popular demand I have decided to dish the dirt on my summer. I have been home for a month now and I am almost able to reminisce without crying and wishing I could do it all over again.

Over the summer I took a road trip around the states. The route we ended up taking was from Atlanta GA, to Texas, to LA then Vegas and back down to Atlanta. We then went up to New York and back to Atlanta before coming back home. A staggering drive clocking up 7000miles on our carbon footprint (minus flights).

Summer in the States

 The 30something weeks that we spent planning the trip felt like a lifetime and in hindsight was a total waste of time… but on the bright-side this was our first lesson learned – no point in making plans… they never work out anyway.

 Who’s Who:  

• Narelle (Me)
• Jade, my cousin who lived stateside for 12years
• Lisa and Danielle… two of my three best friends (Jenna couldn’t make it this time)

  Jade flew to Atlanta, Georgia a week before Lisa and I to spend some time with her family before our trip.

 Lisa’s mum picked me up two and a half hours before our flight and headed to Glasgow Airport. On our way she announced to us that for flights stateside you had to check in three (not two) hours before departure… great just what we wanted to hear.

 In the car… half thinking we weren’t going to get to go we made a back up plan… fly to Ibiza and stay there for the summer if they won’t let us in to the states.

 When we got to the airport the panic over was over – they are allowing us to fly despite previous concerns.

jetting of to the states

 We got on our first flight to Philadelphia (the home of the steak sanny and Rocky) and we are not sitting together. The old couple in-between us only had to swap one seat (they would still be sitting together) in order to allow us to sit beside each other – but they refused. So we WARNED them if you don’t swap we will be shouting over you the whole flight and passing things back and forward… and that is exactly what they did. And at the same time hopefully taught a couple of old buddies a lesson. Lol… why must they be so stubborn?

When we got to Philadelphia and I was gutted that we didn’t get to see Rocky Balboa or at least have time to run up the stairs… oh well maybe next time. At Phili we were clearly the only tourists… the only people with passports in an airport – nuts! From Phili we flew to Atlanta Georgia, aka THE SWEATBOX.

 Atlanta

 Atlanta Hartsfeild Jackson Airport is the busiest in the world and is like the crystal maze… as Lisa and I have absolutely no sense of direction and were sweating the bit out we decided it best to follow a guy we recognised from our flight.

 Due to the sheer size of the place we had to get on a train inside the airport to get our luggage… which isn’t the easiest thing to do in 100degree weather and whilst trying to stalk some (in the beginning) unsuspecting traveller.

 Following the guy was the start of the hilarity. The train kept stopping and he got off to let someone else off… we followed. Then he got back on… we followed – not obvious at all. Then the train stops and he gets off… this time for good and we follow him. He starts walking faster, so do we and he keeps looking back – with a look of terror on his face. He clearly knew we were following him, but surely he could figure out why – we only wanted to get our luggage… with his reaction you would think we wanted to jump his bones.

 I mean I understand we were not quite looking our best with the 24hours of travelling and sweating the bit out in the most humid place in the world but come on boy!

 My LITTLE cousin Mark came to get us at the airport… whilst collecting our luggage we were trying to resist the urge to shout bomb in the airport: apparently they don’t take kindly to that stateside. People in Atlanta drive like head cases: our first week there flew in.

 Our first night out didn’t quite go as planned… jet lag meant that I was steaming after about three drinks – Lisa and I were also five hours ahead, not only in time but the amount of time it takes the Southerners to get a sentence out: it can prove to be rather time consuming.

Anyway we went downtown Atlanta to go to a club, Opera I think, with Bridgette (US G BFF) and Brandy (Drama Queen). It was like being out with the paparazzi – the American girls sure like taking pics. Brig was driving and trying to find where we were going was so funny. We were so drunk and bursting we had to stop and pee behind a petrol station… all of us. Lol. Eventually found the club, I went in first but Lisa was 20 at the time and apparently you need to be 21 stateside. Lisa’s argument at the door was repeatedly… ‘but I’m 20’ – doesn’t matter Stella, that’s like arguing you are 17 trying to get in to a club in the UK.

Lisa, Jade and Brig on our first night out in Atlanta

 As the girls wouldn’t be too happy if I went without them I came back out. In the car park we asked a girl where else we could go… mid conversation we see a tear tat on her face… hmm why does that look familiar and what does it mean? We later found out that it apparently means that you have killed someone… okay lucky we didn’t take her advice as to where to go.

Jade & I on our first night in Atl

 We ended up in a dingy bar on our first night called the Highland Grill (I think)… however the night was by no means a total loss. At the bar we met Jade’s ex and his friends.

 Jade’s ex (Jordan G aka Napoleon Dynamite: to be named and shamed) will come in to our trip later but on this night was actually really funny. He was eating some weird shit and kept saying ‘Jesus’ whilst trying to understand our jokes. But he was by no means the highlight… also got to meet his friend Aaron (aka Dennis).

 So… Jade kept trying to tell jokes (Jade is the worst joke teller that side of the Campsies, which is some distance lol) to try to distract me I think. But I could not be fooled. Every single guy we met or even whose name came in to conversation Jade had went with. Lol. Word on the street is that it’s why she actually had to move back to Scotland – because she had went with every guy in the state of Georgia.

 The drink police were out that night… I got a drink at the bar – Lisa had a sip of it and they were all over her like the chicken pox. The drink thing was one of the big things for Lisa to get used to stateside… having been going out drinking since we were 15… being 20 and being told she couldn’t drink did not go down well.

 Luckily for us they couldn’t understand a word of the sheer cheek she gave them. Lol.

 That night came to a close… we all went back to Jade’s to stay and heard all Brandy’s gossip… man the American girls can be dramatic. Lol.

 Our first week in Atlanta ended up being one house party after another courtesy of Bridgette – the Queen of finding parties (thanks babe).  At one of the parties I learned to play my first game of ‘Beer Pong’ (An American drinking game which was at the centre of every house party we went to… sucked for me as I was crap at it, lol.

 At that same party (I think Cody’s party) Lisa and I gave a stand up comedy show… apparently they don’t tell jokes stateside – so they loved us. Lol. That night Lisa and I also went on a double date to – wait for it…. Waffle House! – class was just oozing out of us the whole time we were there. Oh we were also told that we were the best people that they had ever met… and soaked it in like a sponge. Lol.

Lisa & I double dating at Waffle House

 We also had pant party that night at Bridgett’s where we spent the night… Brig won sexiest.. although I think mine were cutest – unfortunately Jade destroyed all pics of it so my word will need to do. And got to see the crazy side of Brig at that party. She lost her phone and freaked out… starting going through people’s bags and told a girl she was going to kick her friends ass! Crazy Americans… why don’t you just look for it? Lol. Staying at Bridgett’s we wound up having to sleep in her brother’s jiz ridden bed… where Lisa thinks she could have gotten pregnant. Lol.

 The heat in Georgia isn’t the same as the heat here or on holiday… it is so humid and makes you feel like you can’t really get a breath. Due to this breathlessness feeling I am pretty sure it made me boy crazy – that’s my excuse and I am sticking to it. Lol.

 So… went to Brig’s Gran’s pool the next evening to try to cool down and put ended up getting up to no good. Bit of boozing, smoking and skinny-dipping resulted in us putting on a talent contest… whereby we performed our rendition of ‘The Cheeky Girls’ – needless to say we hit it out of the park. Lol. Also played the ‘n game’ that night… don’t try it – it will drive you crazy… I’m still thinking of ‘n’ things to this day. We also got ripped off that night… that’s all I can really say about that – but I developed my first US hatred… damn that boy (well my second if you count Bush) lol.

 Another of our Atlanta parties was an all day shout. There was a pool party during the day… whereby I ended up steaming. Before going we went to get drink and spent $100plus on booze – we said at the time… of this runs out then we are clearly alcoholics and need some help – it ran out: didn’t get help just had to get more booze.

 During the day of our drinking sesh we had the pleasure of Aaron’s company along with his slightly odd friend Jordan K. Brig warned us before hand that he doesn’t talk much and that he likes football (not American but real football or soccer as they like to put it). So I spent around an hour burning his ear… at least I managed to entertain myself… won’t talk me to Jordan – that’s fine – doesn’t meant I won’t talk to you!

 There was a pool Nazi there though… my 2^nd US feeling of hate and where I got my only regret of the entire trip! If I could turn back time I would go back and push her in the pool. It did cross my mind at the time but I didn’t have the balls. Damn it.

 Aaron… who despite talking ridiculously slow was quite entertaining and good to look at, lol.

What I meant by Aaron being nice to look at

 We wound up at Brig’s Gran’s house for the party that night… which is also Jordan G’s house, Jade’s ex and Napoleon look alike. It was a rather scary house… which an actual deer head mounted on the wall and a death step which I fell victim to after a few more bevies. Specifically strawberry daiquiris which we made extremely strong as I didn’t Lisa had already put the vodka in… so we ended up with a double dose. Lisa also had a mini drama in trying to find a blender which she was not happy about… what kind of place has an actual nut cracker but no blender? Lol.

Lisa and the Deer head

 At this party Aaron helped me break in to a room to see Brig do it. He took Lisa and I where the crazy ass dogs were and I feared for my life in order to see her in bed. Anyone who would help me break in to a bedroom to watch someone do it is more than okay in my book. Lol.The other events of that evening which kept me entertained included a game of beer pong (which I didn’t win), a diabetic guy getting really angry and storming off claiming he is not coming back… but then was like “Fuck… I’m only back for my insulin!” lol. Ha! Jade taking a dump and broadcasting it and Lisa getting a KB. Lol. As well as seeing Jade naked.

 That night a certain someone in the aftermath was an asshole… but he later gets what is coming to him. He was also a bit of a douche to Lisa… and it takes a lot to upset my gal but he managed to. SHAME ON YOU! But to be fair… when I fell up the death step we did help me and get me a replacement drink after soaking myself.

Whilst in GA we also went to Athens (the college town) to see Emily and co. and we had a blast. We went to a party and I won my first game of beer pong… wuhu!

Brig getting up to no good

 Although I loved this party everyone else hated it and we had to leave … but I had a great time despite the guys being a tad sleazy. But then we got to go hag with Emily’s boyfriend and friends… they were such fun and we loved them!

 They were the only ‘American boys’ who kissed us hello… apparently the Americans don’t do that. I actually didn’t realise I did it so much until I kept going in for a kiss and not getting anything back. Lol. Brig was hilarious in Athens… and a bit of a hoe!… wuhu – go Brig taking one for the team! Oh I also loved the guy who made me breakfast… those were some great eggs – thanks Miami boys! And thanks Emily… we had a great time.

Athens

 We were staying at Jade’s in Atlanta and whilst there we witnessed the most ridiculous argument I have ever heard in my life. To understand you will first need to envision a two year girl who has been spoiled rotten and is acting like a total brat. Now envision that little brat in the body of a 40plus, 6ft tall man – you have just met Jade’s dad. When Jade was living stateside she had an American accent, since coming home she has gotten back her Scottish accent, which to most people makes sense.

 Not to Jade’s crazy assed Dad. He actually believes that Jade was putting on her Scottish accent just to annoy him because ‘everyone in Scotland hates him’; hmm wonder why? He actually thinks that the whole world revolves around him.

 But Jade’s dad wasn’t the only person who was hard work… her uncle also was less than pleasant. To be fair to him he sorted out our car that we took on out road trip… which would have been helpful – hadn’t the car been a heap of shit. Lol. But it was the ‘Shaggin Waggin’ and we had some great times in it… as well as some near death experiences. Lol.

In Atlanta it was great getting to know Mark and Megan again… love you guys, thanks for keeping me entertained and being so good to me. But I think this is where I started to put on my weight via my aunt Catherine’s cooking… which is by far the best cooking ever.

mosquitoes love me

My only real problem in Atlanta was that the mosquitoes absolutely love me! I had at one point 30 bites on my body! I used bucket loads of repellent and tried to stay inside at key mosquito times but they got me regardless. Lisa and Jade’s bathroom habits, announcements and photo taking also gave me the boke! We also got some shopping done in Atlanta which was fun… especially our remake of American girl style in Macys.

Dress up in Macys

 As Lisa is a dumbass she had to cut her part of our trip short and had to leave Atlanta after one week due to a failed placement. So for Lisa’s last night Jade, Lisa, Brig and I went out for dinner and drinks and wound up dining with the first of the several potential serial killers we met whilst stateside. He comes up and said that he is waiting on his friend and asked if he could wait with us… we stupidly said yes – although he did provide some entertainment. It turned out that he had been stood up as his girl friend who in his words was ‘out fucking someone else’. Then his fat friend shows up and starts rapping. Yes you read right actual real rapping… both a variety of popular rap music and material he had written on his own (no joke). Keep in mind this was in a restaurant. One of the strangest things I have ever experienced.

 Taking Lisa to the airport was sad for me… she is my BFF and I love her like fat kids love cake… Bye Stella and hello road trip!

On the road

 Texas

On our three day drive to LA, our first stop was Dallas, Texas – and we loved it! On Aaron’s instruction we were giving the Longhorn sign to pretty much everyone, lol, and mostly got a good response. Dallas was fun and the Texan boys were sweethearts but despite what they say not everything is bigger in Texas… ask Jade – she did the leg work. Lol.

 Our second days drive and lone behold we are still in Texas – do not underestimate the sheer size of the place as you will be in it for what feels like a lifetime. Heading in to the desert and our air con breaks… it was 100plus degrees and we were in the middle of no where. It was so hot I had to strip down to my pants and try to think cool thoughts.

Whilst I’m lying in my pants with no AC Jade is ripping the arse out of the Shaggin Waggin and a funny noise starts… I said to her about it and she blames the texture of the road. Then all of a sudden a massive bang and black smoke was coming from the back of the car… we pulled over and our back tyre was no longer on the car… it was ripped to shreds and lying all over the interstate – Shit.

 So we get the spare out the boot and its one of those ‘only for temporary use’ tyres… Jade made me put my dress back on – although I think the lack of it would have helped our hitchhiking. After getting all the tyre change stuff out when then discover than neither of us know how to change a tyre.

Time to flag a car for some help… however as I said we were in the desert and there were not many passers by. But help as we discovered is like buses… none for ages then three guys stop to help at the same time. And they were the ideal people who you want to stop and help… they were strong, sweet and so sexy – kind of rough looking (and here is the heat making me boy crazy again). The boys put the temp tyre on directed us to where we could get a new one put on (Big Springs).

 Big Spring is like a place out of a movie… where they all know each other by name – and where we experienced one of many ‘dumb American’ moments.

 Whilst waiting on our tyre being changed… we went to Walmart as I needed a UK to US travel adapter. I asked the shop assistant where it was and she literally pointed in two different directions and said “over there”… oh I’m sorry where? Again pointing in different directions “over there” – okay you are clearly a fruit cake.

 Then we went to pizza hut for a bite to eat and I asked for a cheese pizza… I was told “we don’t do that”… the women clearly either didn’t understand what I was saying or just wasn’t listening as I said it again and again I was told that in Pizza Hut they don’t do a cheese pizza – another ‘dumb American’ moment.

 Back on the road and as Texas is the size of the UK we spent another night there… this time in El Paso. In Texas is where we got ghetto and had to motel it up! – Beggars can’t be choosers: so we were Super 8 right out our tats!

 Driving to El Paso we kept seeing signs that read:

 “WARNING PRISON AREA DO NOT PICK UP HITCHHIKERS”

 Which as you can imagine is just what we want to see in the middle of the desert late at night in our dodgy Shaggin Waggin.

 El Paso, Texas, was a little like a third world country. We were on interstate 10 West and you go right down to the Mexican border. We didn’t go out in El Paso… although we are Glasgow Girls even that was a little rough for us. Lol.

 But that night Jade and I were in bed (Jade likes to share a bed with me… despite there being two double beds there – lezzy bitch. Lol.) and I wake up startled because I felt a nip on my neck… initially I thought it may have been Jade trying to give me a nookie… but it wasn’t. I went to the bathroom and had three large bumps on the back of my neck… they looked like more mosquito bites but they were really painful and hard.

spider bite !

We went to the chemist and met more dumb Americans. The pharmacist advised that it looks like a spider bite but that he doesn’t know which kind of spider… and that some spider bites could kill you. He then said that he doesn’t really know as he doesn’t have much experience with spider bites and asked Jade and a passer what they think! This almost pushed me over the edge. We eventually found someone who knew and got the correct anti-biotic cream for it… but come on pharmacy guy – pull it together – I really don’t want to hear that some spider bites may kill me and that you don’t have a clue what to do!

The third day of driving to LA and we were still in Texas… as much as I loved Dallas… the state of Texas just goes on forever!… we finally went through New Mexico and got to LA that night.

Hard core you know the score! lol.

 Los Angeles

Jade & I in LA

 In LA we stayed on Long Beach and definitely moved up from our Super8 experiences. Our hotel was absolutely gorgeous… a 4 star downtown number. We spent a few nights in LA and most of it was a total blur as I think I was drunk the entire time.

 We were getting free drink at this Irish bar, the Dubliner, and we took advantage of it. I hate shots… I hate taking them… I hate how they make me feel – but in LA I all of a sudden thought I was Mary Queen of Shots and was knocking them back left, right and centre.

Route of all evil

 So drunk the entire time, and as we are boob people, we spent a bit of time in Hooters where I thought it would be funny to motorboat one of the girls… it was. Lol.

LA Baby

 In the Dubliner my ‘free’ drinks did come at a price… I ended up prostituting my dancing skills out to a soiree of old men. I initially danced with one to be polite, then another came up so I thought when in Rome… then he asked me to dance with his friend and after I did another then came up… I said no and he responded “well you danced with all them” so by then I left obliged.

 Back at the hotel I was a tad sick… I came out the bathroom and there is Jade lying butt naked on the floor… although it sounds funny now – it really wasn’t at the time. I got in to bed and told Jade to get in to hers. But instead she kept trying to get in with me butt naked and I was covered in sick…

 “Just leave me alone Jade… go to your own bed!”

 The next few nights in LA was when my liver started to hurt… a weeks solid booze abuse in Atlanta then pounding the shots in LA started to take its toll.. so instead of stopping drinking Jade suggested I get on the cocktails instead – this actually made sense at the time – in hindsight no so much. Lol.

Jade in LA with her clothes on

 We got on the bus to downtown LA (as opposed to Long beach) with a cocktail in our hand and our heels on… we stuck out like sore thumbs. But mostly in a good way…except from my prostitute dress.

  On the bus a guy approached Jade and gave her a flower… which was sweet enough. Two minutes later he comes back and gives her a picture of a lady on a horse… hmm – they don’t really do this at home… was it another cultural difference or did Jade have a weird stocker? Lol – it was the latter.

flower power

Hollywood is so dirty! We went to the walk of fame and down to Sunset and it is, not to sugar coat it, a shit-hole. Every single person was totally out their faces and there was homeless people everywhere… not at all like one would imagine it to be.

 We went back to hotel Maya drunk and could not work the lights, so Jade steaming put in an official complaint. The next morning Jade was out getting us breakfast and an electrician comes to the hotel door and says that we complained all our lights were broken and he was here to fix them. Turns out we are just a couple of morons who were too drunk to turn on the lights and the guy took me round the whole room showing me how to turn the lights on and off – needless to say I was mortified.

Hollywood walk of fame

 Back on the road and heading to Vegas… by this time we have listened to every single CD in the car so many times, so we turn to radio. Man American radio sucks… in a nutshell it is a mix of country and God stations and the manner in which they tell the news makes me feel sick to my stomach. Luckily we just got a bargain for Bally’s hotel in Vegas and were only 4 hours away… wuhu!

Las Vegas

I do need to be cautious regarding what I reveal about Vegas… when we got to the hotel we had to pledge an agreement… as you may have heard ‘What happens in Vegas: stays in Vegas.’ (I actually think this may be why we still don’t know who shot Tupac… everyone’s lips are sealed) lol.

Vegas

 But Vegas is the best place in the world… it just has everything! We could have stayed in our hotel the entire time… the room was amazing, the service was amazing, there was food I could actually eat (as I struggled a little with food stateside), there was even a Mall and a train station inside our hotel.

 In Vegas we actually got our first real chance to sunbath… we lay at the pool all day, drank cocktails and got a perv at the boys… most of whom were gay dancers – but nonetheless they are lovely to look at (again I blame the heat). Poor Jade got toasted though… and to this day she still thinks she’s got skin cancer.

 I had a very lucky night in Vegas… all thanks to my bum-bag… yes I have a bum-bag – or as the Americans say fanny-pack. Ha! I love that expression. Jade was totally mortified… but I actually think it was a good look for me: and if nothing else it is definitely practical. Lol. On my lucky night we played Black Jack (21) and I got hooked and actually managed to make a good amount of cash as I got loads of 21s… every time you get it they give you a necklace… by the end of the night I looked like a Christmas tree.  

 Unfortunately I got greedy and played again the next night and lost all my money! Damn. But I think it’s all part of the experience.

 The clubs in Vegas were great too… we were also trying to do some celeb spotting – but failed miserably. We also went to a topless show… that was fun. We paid for the ‘cheap’ seats at the back… but when the lights went off the Usher came to get us and put us in the VIP boxes, where the nips almost take your eyes out – score lol.

Bally's Show

 Oh I almost forgot… another dumb American story. The entire time we were there both Jade and I were using the same ID… mine. I had my passport and she was using my driving licence and we went places together… one after the other – and not one of them noticed. Either that or they just didn’t care. If it’s the latter they go from dumb to nice Americans.

 Some of the people we met in Vegas were just nuts… there was the dumb blonde (not her official name, although it should be) who was married to a fat rich old man who gave me the boke. And there was the two Mexican guys who were just hilarious. One of them, who was clearly there illegally, was carrying around a fat white guys passport. I looked at it and almost peed laughing. He was like “that was before, that was before” – before what pal? – your skin transplant? And there was my lucky card dealer!

 Another highlight was forgetting the time difference, calling home and telling my Mum I got married, priceless. That’s really all I can say about Vegas without breaking my oath… but it is simply the best place in the world. It’s not the kind of place you could actually live… unless you want to develop a very unhealthy drinking and gambling problem – but it was just out of this world.

What happens in Vegas...

 Bye Vegas!

Back On the Road

Heading back to Atlanta was nuts… I think we did it in a world record – 2days non stop driving from Vegas to Georgia. I actually think we should be given an award for it. We went back on 40 then 20… as opposed to 20 then 10 – so we went through all the mid states… and of course somehow wound up back in the monster state that is Texas. We pulled over to get a few hours rest… it was absolutely bucketing down and we could hardly see. We later found out that there was a tornado right where we were… and that was not our only run in with the dodgy American weather.

When we got to Oklahoma on our way back we had to spend a few hours in a Pizza Hut… not because we were so hungry but due to a tornado scare. I was bricking it!

As mentioned previously my eating habits stateside where not the best. I felt like I couldn’t eat anything so resorted to fast food the whole time. If I never see another Subway in my life… my life will be a happy one.

But a combination of all the fast food and drinking, which was every night, resulted in my gaining half a stone – which I am still trying to get rid of! Damn Americans and their massive portions… no wonder they are all so fat.

Although I am sad to be back home… I’m lucky I came home when I did – otherwise I would be like Ten Tone Tess by now.

Back to Atlanta

Back in Atlanta we got up to no good. I was still avoiding Jade’s uncle… who was dying to go out with us – every time he called I had an excuse not to speak to him. I thought it was best to avoid him… in case I couldn’t bite my tongue at our next encounter.

Well you remember Jordan G (Napoleon) he managed to upset Jade… so we went along with our trusty companion (or so we thought at the time) Aaron to egg and flour his car. It was genuinely the happiest I felt whilst being there – lol: that must be the bad in me coming out… but honestly he deserved it! 

Ha !

I also had a few good nights out with Aaron… all of which are now scrambled in my head and not very clear at all – I think he was trying to get me drunk. Lol.

 One night Jade and I went out for a drink with Aaron and met up with his friends then went back to a party and it was the most drunk I had gotten the entire time I was there. I don’t know if what I’m about to tell you actually even happened as I can’t remember any of that night – this is from Jade’s account. I entered in to a drinking contest with Aaron’s friend Justin… and I don’t think I won. Word on the street is I hit the shots, everyone could see my knickers most of the time and I ended up lying on a bathroom floor being sick… classy chic.

Another ?

 But Aaron thank you for being such a sweetheart and getting me home safely and carrying me when my legs deserted me… and for listening to all my drunken babbling.

 I do however remember the next day when I uttered those infamous words “I’m never drinking again.” I was actually hung-over for a full 24 hours… and not just feeling crappy… it was a hard core hangover – proper sick all day… not eating – I even cried a little as a felt so sorry for myself. Lol.

 I managed to pull it together eventually but I was out of commission for a full day and night.

Shockingly after my classy performance Aaron still wanted another night out with us. Lol. The next one I can remember I had a great night… although Jade didn’t. I think it was at Twisted Taco (a dive) but it was good fun… but Aaron did get his revenge a threw a drink on me. Although he denies it to this day claiming it was me – I am certain he threw it on me on purpose. But to be fair to him he did more than make up for it that night. Thanks for a great time.

We had another few nights out like that… a place called Diamond Daves springs to mind… where I got dropped on my ass (thanks for that… although I did get my revenge). That’s what I get for trying to teach the Americans to dance. In the states they ask you to dance but they would be as well asking you to dry hump to the beat of the music.

 Got to spend some more time with Mark and Megan when we were back in Atlanta – miss and love you guys!

 The next big thing was heading to NYC to meet up with my other BFF Dani T.

Dan, Jade & I in NYC

New York, New York

I was so glad to meet up with Danielle in New York… someone else who could actually understand me and who got my jokes – wuhu! Jade and I rallied it up to New York… ditched the Shaggin Waggin and got in an NYC taxi aka death trap.

Big Yellow Taxi

The drivers in New York are absolutely nuts… especially the taxi drivers… we were in a taxi and I actually let out a scream it was that bad.

But New York was amazing… and ever better we were more amazed as we got VIP everywhere we went. We spent most of out nights out at the Meat Packing District (sounds dirty I know… but apparently they actually pack meat there) and got hustled to the front and VIP at all the clubs. We were looking for some proper Manhattan girls… like in Sex and the City… but turns out they don’t exist – which although we were disappointed most definitely worked in our favour.

New York

 The price of drinks that we did buy were extortionate… I got two vodkas and sprite and was charged $48 – makes me feel physically sick. So we just had to get hammered before we went out.

 The best night out in New York was when I stole a broom and flew in to the lift with it trying to convince everyone that I was a witch. Good times.

the broom

 Our hotel in New York was gorgeous and right off Time Square but I am pretty sure there was a crack den on the corner. On every corner of every block in NYC there are hot dog vendors… but the queue for this one was massive (and their hot dogs weren’t that great) hence coming to the reasonable conclusion that it was a crack den.

Dani and Jade in NYC

 We did some proper sight seeing in New York… all the touristy things – went to see the Statue of Liberty, Central Park, Crystal Building, Ground Zero, etc and we did some serious shopping… where I financially fucked myself – we spent so much money shopping in New York that I had to bring an extra suitcase home with me… it was great!

  There was also the ‘sky-blue man’ in New York. The sky blue man was clearly a white man… the thing that tells you when you can cross the road. But when we were saying… I need to wait for the white man – we were getting funny looks – like we were racists or something – hence the introduction of the sky blue man.

Central Park

 We also went on the Sex and the City Tour in New York and blew some money in the Pleasure Chest – best money we ever spent.

The Pleasure Chest

 Another highlight of New York was going to the free Whitney Houston concert in Central Park… the most so real thing ever.

 Back to Atlanta

Jade and I headed back to Atlanta for the final stint of our summer … which was by far the best summer ever. On the way I was forced to through Jade’s Aaron Carter CD out the window: which she is still not happy about.

Although it was coming to the end of our trip I still hadn’t quite mastered driving on the right hand side of the road… and whilst on the phone wound up driving on the freeway in the wrong direction – seeing the big signs “WRONG WAY”.

I was happy to go back to Atlanta because it meant that we got to spend some more time with Aaron (my best American friend) and we had fun.

Our final mini adventure was a weekend in Tennessee with Bridgette and her family… well it was meant to be with Bridgette and her family – but she ended up away playing football the whole time… so we got to spend the weekend with her family.

This is where I got myself a bracelet buddy – Katie-Mae and decided to show the American boys how to play pool. I totally wiped the floor with them all.

Bracelet Buddies

 Jade and I had such a laugh with Bridgette’s mum and dad. We had a big party for the boys and girls football team – but the Pikeville people are strange. Lol. All the girls grab each others boobs and the boys are just odd – we even had to pull out another round of the Cheeky Girls to lighten the mood. Lol.

 But in coming back from Tennessee we most definitely got a laugh. We dropped off Bridgette’s Gran and she gets out the car… pulls her pants to her ankles and start peeing in the front garden – her explanation being that she didn’t think she would make it up the stairs. Hilarious!

 Happily we had a great few final nights in Atl… we hit the karaoke bar (but I didn’t even get to sing) and had a giggle. Thanks for a great time Aaron… you made my trip!

 Thank You…

 Mum and Dad – For paying for the flights

 Aunt Catherine – Giving us a place to stay in Atlanta

 Bridgett – For being the party finding Queen of the world and keeping us entertained

 Lisa and Dani – For being the best best-friends in the world

 Aaron – For keeping me entertained and showing me a great time: you made my trip (and will always be my American BFF)

 And last but by no means least…

 Jade – Wouldn’t have happened without you gorgeous!

Egyptian Dancing

Egyptian styles were all over this season’s catwalk; we loved Cavali’s harem pants and Eley Kishimoto’s bright statement jewellery. Us mere mortals are following suit as the wonders of ancient Egypt sashay off the catwalk into our fitness regimes.

 Hilary Thacker is a professional Egyptian style dancer performing in the UK and the middle east. She runs classes throughout Edinburgh as well as private tuition and workshops.

 Often referred to as ‘Belly Dancing’, Hilary’s techniques originated in middle eastern society, not as a form of seduction (as is largely believed) but as a fusion of frantic dancing as a means of celebration.

 Recently the popularity of Egyptian dancing has soared due the influence of artists like Beyonce and Shakira: who mix belly dancing with hip-hop, but Thacker’s style is more traditional:

 “We incorporate all sides of the dance, the fitness and spiritual side as well as the sensual aspect. Some women come because it improves fitness and relaxation and others enjoy the social aspect.” 

Thacker also owns Hilary’s Bazaar on George IV Bridge which sells suitably sequined clothing. Costumes aren’t compulsory, but go on… you know you want to.